Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons
In a world full of monsters, insane movie reviewers, and gross blood, guts, and gore, I’ve got your back and have done the impossible. I’ve created a guide to help you survive any cliché horror movie situation.
This is your official QUIZarenaLIVE's Horror Movie Survival Guide, though be warned, the results may vary.
1) Don’t have sex, don’t drink, and for the love of God, don’t say “I’ll be right back” because you won’t be right back.
2) If your friend trips and falls, leave them. No sense in you both being killed.
3) When your friends suggest visiting a haunted location, say no. Your will to live is stronger than your friendships.
4) If you hear a noise, run. Don’t look back, and don’t stop running until the sun comes up. Or until you cross state lines.
5) Find a pool of blood and lie down in it. Pretend to be dead and hopefully the villain won’t notice.
6) When the creepy man in town tells you that you’re all doomed, listen to him. The old codger has been around for a while. He’s seen things.
7) Don’t believe that one strike will kill your assailant. Keep attacking them until they’re turned into mulch.
8) Don’t trust anyone. You can only rely on yourself.
9) Don’t run upstairs. You’re only trapping yourself or worse, you’ll find yourself on the roof with no way down.
10) When an event is taking place and most of the town is going, go with them. Don’t be a rebel – staying behind is sure to equal death.
11) Don’t step out of your hiding space the moment you don’t hear the killer’s footsteps. They’ll be there. Guaranteed.
12) If you survived your first ordeal, don’t sign up for a sequel. Chances are you won’t be coming back from that.
13) Don’t answer the door, don’t leave the house, and don’t answer the phone, but most of all, don’t scream.
14) Don’t make plans out loud. Chances are your conversation is being listened to.
15) Never use blankets as a shield. You’d think this would be common knowledge, but it seems some of you need reminder that knives, machetes, and bullets penetrate fabric.
16) When dealing with supernatural elements, it doesn’t pay to be cynical.
17) If your friends decide to investigate, don’t try and talk them out of it. Use them as the distraction while you run in the opposite direction.
18) Expect the unexpected.
19) When planning a weekend retreat, always read and pack a survival manual.
20) Beware anyone who owns and wears black leather gloves. They're not to be trusted.
21) Never buy a house with a history of supernatural occurrences or story of how the last owners mysteriously vanished. The rule of real estate may be location, location, location but you may wish to choose life, not a mountain view.
22) Your friend is calling out for help. It’s a trap. They got themselves into that mess, they can get themselves out.
23) Don’t test the theory that all urban legends are just that, legends. Chances are this time Bloody Mary is real.
24) Never bully the loner. It will come back to haunt you.
25) If you must investigate remember to take someone else with you. Preferably someone who can’t run as fast as you.
26) Learn to say “No!”
27) Never announce that you’re calling the police. That will be the moment your phone battery dies, and the power will go out. You’re just better off letting local authorities know your plans before you arrive at your destination.
28) If you wear glasses and cannot see without them, refrain from travelling to isolated areas with your friends. You are not Velma. If you lose your glasses, you won’t survive.
29) If you can’t find your car keys, don’t panic. Your car has already been tampered with, so your best bet is to start running. Revert back to Rule #4
30) Always tell multiple people where you’re going. Preferably people who won’t be travelling with you.
31) Never accuse the killer of being crazy – this will only enrage them further.
32) Don’t mention that you’ve been institutionalized before. It’s actually better that you don’t mention your past at all.
33) If you find yourself in woodlands with a killer closing in, climb a tree and stay quiet. Killers never seem to look up.
34) If you wake up with no memory, consider this your lucky day. Don’t try to figure out who you were. Start over. Enjoy life!
35) If you are in possession of an ancient artifact that is a center for the paranormal, put it back exactly where you found it.
36) Don’t read Latin in front of books. Again, one would think this is common sense. Based on past experiences, clearly not.
37) Always check the back seat before you get into a car.
38) Are you a virgin? No? Lie! You are now!
39) Always shower with someone else. The moment you split up is the moment you’ll be attacked. Plus, you’ll save water. Good for the environment. Good for survival.
40) Don’t assume what you’re witnessing is a dream. Unless Freddy Krueger is standing before you, this is reality.
41) Don’t assume your friends who haven’t returned are having a game of rough and tumble. They’re already dead. Mourn them later.
42) If you’re going to exit the house by any other means than the front or back door, ensure it’s via a window on the ground floor. Forget about your house deposit on the rental property, just smash the glass out.
43) Don’t use sarcasm. Period.
44) Check your family history for any links to possible homicidal maniacs or psychotic tendencies.
45) If you get a call coming from inside the house while you’re babysitting, leave immediately. Children are like cockroaches. They’ll survive anything. They’ll be fine.
46) If it’s not the boyfriend, then it’s the best friend. Either way, get rid of them before they get rid of you.
47) Always make sure you’re wearing appropriate footwear for running. Appropriate clothing is always a requirement. No short skirts, no high heels.
48) If you’re going to stay and fight, use what you have to your advantage. If you ignored rule #47, use a belt to strangle, or a high heel to stab.
49) When hiding, lower your heart rate through the art of meditation so you’re not breathing heavily. Heavy breathing is a beacon to killers. They will find you.
50) The Ultimate Rule: Hit first and ask questions later. Better to say “Sorry” later then being dead.